I miss you, buddy
but I hope you’re happier
wherever you are
How do you know when
To give second chances and
When to just give up?
the world is wicked
It’s not that I don’t like my boss or my coworkers… Hell, the people I have to deal with aren’t as bad as most work environments can be.
I’m losing track of time with this job. The day starts and the day ends before I even realize that I’ve fallen asleep from the night before.
I got home from work one day and spent the night sitting at my desk, rereading a good book. Before I knew it, midnight had struck. I looked at the calendar and I realized it was November 1st. I was startled to see this. Why?
It’s because I had completely missed Halloween.
I don’t even remember the month of October. All I can remember is the sound of a keyboard thrumming underneath my fingertips and my alarm waking me up for an early shift. I didn’t watch any scary movies or spend the day giving out treats to trick-or-treaters. I didn’t dress up or go pumpkin picking like I promised myself I would. No haunted hayrides or Halloween parties.
It’s November and I’ve only just realized that October has left my grasp.
Where is this time going? Where is MY time going?
I’m just so frightened. I’m losing track of when I’ve told my friends that I’d make time for them. I read texts that I haven’t answered since September. I don’t know if I’m fading away or getting caught in river.
And… December is quickly approaching. My favorite month, my favorite holiday: Christmas. God, I’d hate myself if I lost Christmas. I’m just so frightened that I’ll miss all the good things in my life because I’ll be too wrapped up in my job. I don’t even hear the music, anymore. All I know are TPR solutions and WBCs, CMDs, RMDs, and what medicine is racked in the unit-of-use section.
I miss the music. I miss my friends. I miss the fortune and wealth I had of having my life filled with simplicity and holidays and sunsets and books. Did I sell out? Or is this an inevitable part of life?
Fuck it, I want to dance horribly and sweat and be clumsy!
I’m sick and tired of putting on this facade of professionalism.
I don’t want to sell out, yet! I want to feel alive! I want to be free and happy and I want to spend every day in December watching Christmas movies!
I want… more, than this.
I just want to be okay.
the fifth of November
the gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason
why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot
I will go to that cozy, deliciously quiet bookstore in Metuchen and I will read a book from start to finish and enjoy a calm and happy Saturday
and you can’t stop me
I had a bad day at work today. Someone cursed at me, someone else coughed in my face, I got yelled at, I had to call security for some drug addict about to have a breakdown…
and it was a bad day.
You know what helped?
I went to the pet store and walked into the adoption area. The cats were in their cages napping and stretching and doing cat things. The few that were awake, I started petting and scratching at their ears. I took off my coat and hung it up by the doorway. I sat on the floor, in my scrubs, playing with the cats. I spent so much time in there that one of the employees decided to keep me company. She and I sat there for another fifteen minutes before the closing-time warning rung over the PA.
I said goodbye to the employee and every cat I had the pleasant company of.
what girls say:
what they really mean:
the gym leader used a full restore
I want to be in bed sleeping while I’m at work
then I get home
and then I can’t sleep at all.